Ode to Hormones/ Paradox- Part II

My last post about parental paradoxes dealt with the excitement and yearning for your child to grow up, yet at the same time the sentiment and nostalgia involved when remembering what it was like to have a newborn. It's the "please grow up and get out of this difficult stage.....but OH....remember when they did this? I don't want them to grow up so fast and change so quickly."

There is another paradox that comes with parenting....this paradox is thanks to hormones. Wikipedia says "A hormone (from Greek ὁρμή - "impetus") is a chemical released by a cell in one part of the body, that sends out messages that affect cells in other parts of the organism." A new mother's definition would be the following "Hormones are what get all out of whack when you get pregnant and have the potential to destroy you once your child is born. They have the ability to make you sob one minute and be laughing hysterically the next and not think anything of it. One minute- best friend, next minute- mortal enemy. One minute- yes, next minute- NO."

I am lucky that I didn't have to deal to severely with post-partum depression or anxiety. I know I went through the typical "Mommy-blues" but it definitely wasn't anything too unbearable. But I do still find myself in quandaries similar to the definition above and am not sure if I can safely blame hormones now that I'm 6 months postpartum or if I just chock it up to a bad day/good day.

Example: Yesterday I had a wonderful night. Brian came home, we loaded Ben up in the car and drove a few miles to Baskin Robbins for .31 cent ice cream scoop night. We met up with several good friends from the neighborhood who we're starting to get to know well and really enjoy their company. Great company and cheap ice cream.....doesn't get much better than that. Then I took a walk with Brina dog. It was a cool, crisp spring evening and a really pleasant walk. I turned on my iPod to my hymns playlist and listened to "This is My Father's World and Be Thou My Vision." It was worshipful...meditative. I got to thinking about my life and how wonderful it is. I thought back to all the things in my past that could have drastically changed the course of my life but how all the events led up to where I am right now. Brian and I are blessed with wonderful family- the family that raised up...the family that we are raising. I went home feeling refreshed and overjoyed.

Then.....this morning came. Nothing bad about the night last night. Ben again only really woke up twice. He started making noise and fussing at 6:00 a.m. which is earlier than normal but still...not a bad night. But as soon as I got out of bed, it all seemed to go downhill. Ben was fussy from the moment I got him out of his crib until....oh wait....it's 2:45 in the afternoon and he's still pretty miserable today. He was not happy doing anything this morning and just was content to fuss and fuss some more. The dog was super clingy- no reason why, just clingy. I would turn around and she'd be underfoot so I'd trip on her. She wanted out, then in, then upstairs, then downstairs. I got a bad update on my dear friend who is terribly sick with cancer (definitely put my problems in perspective). I made bad coffee. I really wanted Honey Bunches of Oats but all we had was Cheerios. You get it....not a good morning at all. Brian got up a little while later and sent me out of the house on a run. He took Ben and I again set out on the exact same course with the dog that I had been on the night before. This time......started with some Linkin Park, Zeppelin, Bon Jovi. I ran and ran really hard. Ran out my frustration while mentally sorting through my bad attitude.

It still has been a tough day with a cranky baby, an underfoot dog and another bad pot of coffee. But here's my comfort in my last 24 hour yo-yo moodswing......I know that God is big enough and has enough grace to deal with my every mood. He's given me his Word that contains beautiful words that help me praise and thank Him, and also words that let me lament and beg for help. There are words of comfort and healing for the times I feel like I just can't do it anymore. His love is not conditional....it isn't contingent on my mood. I see daily reminders of his grace in my life regardless of circumstance.