Ode to Hormones/ Paradox- Part II

My last post about parental paradoxes dealt with the excitement and yearning for your child to grow up, yet at the same time the sentiment and nostalgia involved when remembering what it was like to have a newborn. It's the "please grow up and get out of this difficult stage.....but OH....remember when they did this? I don't want them to grow up so fast and change so quickly."

There is another paradox that comes with parenting....this paradox is thanks to hormones. Wikipedia says "A hormone (from Greek ὁρμή - "impetus") is a chemical released by a cell in one part of the body, that sends out messages that affect cells in other parts of the organism." A new mother's definition would be the following "Hormones are what get all out of whack when you get pregnant and have the potential to destroy you once your child is born. They have the ability to make you sob one minute and be laughing hysterically the next and not think anything of it. One minute- best friend, next minute- mortal enemy. One minute- yes, next minute- NO."

I am lucky that I didn't have to deal to severely with post-partum depression or anxiety. I know I went through the typical "Mommy-blues" but it definitely wasn't anything too unbearable. But I do still find myself in quandaries similar to the definition above and am not sure if I can safely blame hormones now that I'm 6 months postpartum or if I just chock it up to a bad day/good day.

Example: Yesterday I had a wonderful night. Brian came home, we loaded Ben up in the car and drove a few miles to Baskin Robbins for .31 cent ice cream scoop night. We met up with several good friends from the neighborhood who we're starting to get to know well and really enjoy their company. Great company and cheap ice cream.....doesn't get much better than that. Then I took a walk with Brina dog. It was a cool, crisp spring evening and a really pleasant walk. I turned on my iPod to my hymns playlist and listened to "This is My Father's World and Be Thou My Vision." It was worshipful...meditative. I got to thinking about my life and how wonderful it is. I thought back to all the things in my past that could have drastically changed the course of my life but how all the events led up to where I am right now. Brian and I are blessed with wonderful family- the family that raised up...the family that we are raising. I went home feeling refreshed and overjoyed.

Then.....this morning came. Nothing bad about the night last night. Ben again only really woke up twice. He started making noise and fussing at 6:00 a.m. which is earlier than normal but still...not a bad night. But as soon as I got out of bed, it all seemed to go downhill. Ben was fussy from the moment I got him out of his crib until....oh wait....it's 2:45 in the afternoon and he's still pretty miserable today. He was not happy doing anything this morning and just was content to fuss and fuss some more. The dog was super clingy- no reason why, just clingy. I would turn around and she'd be underfoot so I'd trip on her. She wanted out, then in, then upstairs, then downstairs. I got a bad update on my dear friend who is terribly sick with cancer (definitely put my problems in perspective). I made bad coffee. I really wanted Honey Bunches of Oats but all we had was Cheerios. You get it....not a good morning at all. Brian got up a little while later and sent me out of the house on a run. He took Ben and I again set out on the exact same course with the dog that I had been on the night before. This time......started with some Linkin Park, Zeppelin, Bon Jovi. I ran and ran really hard. Ran out my frustration while mentally sorting through my bad attitude.

It still has been a tough day with a cranky baby, an underfoot dog and another bad pot of coffee. But here's my comfort in my last 24 hour yo-yo moodswing......I know that God is big enough and has enough grace to deal with my every mood. He's given me his Word that contains beautiful words that help me praise and thank Him, and also words that let me lament and beg for help. There are words of comfort and healing for the times I feel like I just can't do it anymore. His love is not conditional....it isn't contingent on my mood. I see daily reminders of his grace in my life regardless of circumstance.

First Words

Yes...I know Ben is only 6 months old and not old enough to talk yet. But I'm going to claim my name as his first words. His newest thing is going "mamamamamama." Yesterday right after he got his shots he started babbling that and clung to my shoulder for dear life. So to follow up on yesterday's post- he has Brian's genes and will probably look more like him, but his first words were "mama." Heck....after 41 weeks of pregnancy and almost 24 hours of labor, he BETTER say "mama" as his first words....closely followed by "I'm sorry...I love you!"

By the way- improvement!! Ben was only awake twice between 10:30 and 6:30!

Like Father, Like Son

Benjamin had his 6 month appointment this morning. Praise the Lord he is healthy and thriving and was given a clean bill of health. I feel like every time I go to the doctor with him, I'm surprised how much he's grown. Today he was 27 3/4 inches long and 20 pounds 6 oz. The nurse that weighed him and measured him and was saying something about being in the upper 90% percentile for height. She turned and looked at me, sized me up and said "how big is daddy?" I told her that Brian is 6'6 and she smiled and tickled Benjamin and said "like father, like son." I loved hearing that. I love knowing that Benj is growing, developing and starting to take on after his dad. Yay for my man and my little man!

QUACK

Our adventure started on Friday morning. I drove to Target to meet up with my friend who has a 2 month old boy. We both had some things to buy and figured it would be a good excuse to shop and hang out. I parked the car and went to get Ben out of his carseat and load him up in the stroller. FYI Ben now weighs over 20 pounds and really doesn't fit in his infant carseat anymore. He's too long and his feet stick out the end of the thing and I now hear a rhythmic "thump thump thump" on the backseat of my car whenever we are driving around. Also- picking him up in the carseat and hauling him around is near impossible unless you're superman. It's carrying about 50 pounds of dead weight around....not fun. Even less fun when I was running with him in the carseat in the jogger...pushing 70 pounds uphill has given me man-quads that really aren't that attractive and don't fit well in jeans. Anyway- now I'm starting to leave the carseat in the car and just pick Ben up and transfer him to the stroller and push that around. Much more manageable. Anyway- picked Ben up and was about to move him to the stroller when I noticed my hand was damp and smelly. Let's just say after that there was a frantic call to my friend inside Target to come help and bring some plastic bags. Poor Ben was stripped down in the trunk of my car in the Target parking lot before we proceeded with our shopping trip.

I was on a mission that morning to buy a specific product from Target that I'd heard about from several friends. 2 of my neighbors raved about it and all the reviews on Babies R'Us and Amazon were great. I guess I'm susceptible to signage and reviews so I set out on my mission to buy said product. After much laughter and mocking from my friend and the voice inside my head, I purchased it, and took it home.

If you google "Munchkin Duck Tub" this is what you'll pull up. It's a 3-4 foot long inflatable bathtub in the shape of a duck. It's supposed to be a "transitional" tub for 6-12 months when your kid can sit up and can't really fit in the infant tub but you don't want to put them in the normal bathtub. It's a giant, bright yellow inflatable duck and actually quacks when you squeeze the beak. No joke...the thing quacks. I took this thing out of the packaging thinking how hideous it would look in my newly remodeled bathroom. I proceeded to blow the thing up and almost passed out and had to lay on my bed next to the giant duck for about 10 minutes before I had enough oxygen in my brain to sit up without being lightheaded.

After all this work....Ben was ambivalent to the tub. The quacking sort of got his attention but for the most part, he didn't even seem to notice the change in bathing apparatus. So in that regard it was a failure. It also was a failure in that it is already almost too small for him. He barely fits in the thing and definitely can't lay down in it. He'll have outgrown it already next week.

The duck has been good for lots of laughs....especially with Brina the dog. Brina was not ambivalent to the thing. Poor dog was completely petrified by it and when we made it quack she just about lost it. She darted around the bedroom running away from it and hiding and then came running at it full speed howling and barking like a wild animal. For those of you who have met Brina, she's just about the calmest dog in the world. Dogs walk by, squirrels walk by, strange looking people walk by and she doesn't flinch. No barking...no nothing. But this bright yellow duck was just too much for her.

So for now, the duck lives in our bathroom, hidden from the view of the chicken dog who can't wrap her mind around a giant inflatable duck. Maybe Ben will come to appreciate it as time goes on but for now, I deem it a complete failure. Good thing it only cost $12.

There are some days that I look at Benjamin and think "wow...he looks a lot like Brian." Other days, I think I see myself in him. Most of the time though, I agree with what most people say when they look at him- he's definitely a combination of both of us. I'll let all you readers form

your own opinions.....

Same Old, Same Old

One important lesson you learn when parenting an infant....never underestimate the power of a good routine. Parenting books and baby websites stress the importance of establishing good routines: have a set in stone bedtime routine, have a nap time routine, set a schedule for your typical day and follow it closely. We originally started with an elaborate bedtime routine for Benj that included bath, baby massage, jammies, Goodnight Moon, bottle, num nummers, sleep (at least we hoped). Since then, we have abandoned the baby massage and Goodnight Moon because he gets too fussy once he's in pj's and won't last through "goodnight socks, goodnight clocks, goodnight bowl full of mush."

Before having Ben, my life was far from "same old, same old." I'm first to admit that my crazy, type-A self often takes on way too much and I end up flying around all over creation attempting to cross things off my growing to-do list. No day was ever the same....the only consistencies were food (that I ate it), sleep (sometimes did that), work (always did that....but tasks and locations varied). Each day contained something new and different from the last so I didn't necessarily know what to expect. One day might have consisted of spending the bulk of my waking hours pouring over Greek and Systematic Theology, another consisted of returning email and hanging banners in the sanctuary, another day started before dawn running 17 miles. No routine...very little consistency.

Now....life has become much more settled and ordinary. Again I will be first to admit...this is a healthy and somewhat welcomed change. Yes I miss having time to do things for myself but I don't miss the chaos. Last night I found myself thinking about this as I stood over the kitchen sink, over my little white plastic dish tub and washed bottles, toys, sippy cups and num nummers for the umpteenth time. Yes I still go to work, yes I run occasionally....but I have settled into a routine...Ben's routine. I know each day will consist of washing bottles and toys at least once, opening the fridge and assembling a small bowl of baby food, setting the coffee pot for the next morning secretly hoping I won't need that extra cup, and most importantly, getting my share of cuddle time with the coolest kid around.

Family Fascination

It seems like Ben discovers something new each day. We've watched as he has discovered his hands and feet- they are indeed attached to his body, yes they move and their proximity to the mouth is ideal for sucking and chewing. We've watched as he has learned what his toys can do- they make noise if you hit/pull them, they light up, yes mommy will pick it up over and over again if it is thrown off the high chair. We've watched as he discovered solid foods- he's learned to successfully eat from a spoon instead of having 90% of the food come down his chin and maybe %10 make it in his mouth. He's learned that blowing bubbles and making raspberries like "PLHHHHHHH" when he has a mouth full of food leads to pears/prunes/etc flying in every direction.

Well....Ben has made a new discovery- and one that has been quite amusing to watch. Ben has discovered Brina the dog. Up until now, he has been either indifferent to her presence in the house or simply wasn't aware that she existed. Brina has always known Ben was around...but not vice versa.

When we came home from the hospital, poor Brin Dog's world was turned upside down by this loud, stinky little object that took all of our time and energy and led to less walks, less attention and less pets. She would sniff his bassinet and we let her smell him to get used to his scent and it seems like she got used to having him around. She is a really good dog and we've never had any trouble with her and Ben. I know people say not to leave your dog and baby in the same room alone but we've broken that rule many many times because we know we can trust Brina. If you've met her, I know you'll agree.

Now Ben is becoming much more aware of his surroundings and that includes the presence of the 50 pound lab mix that spends most of her day asleep on the towel on the couch. He tracks her with his eyes and watches her walk around. He laughs when Brian and I make her bark and howl. He reaches for her and tries to touch her. Funny story- the other day I was sitting on the couch feeding Ben and Brina was sitting next to us. Normally Ben is a really good nurser...look at the kid....clearly not mal-nourished. He normally goes to town and chows down but he kept smiling and laughing and I had no idea what was going on. FYI- it's hard to breastfeed a laughing child. I finally looked at his little feet which were tucked under my other arm and saw Brina licking his bare toes. I guess he has ticklish feet- I guess they taste good.

Quick sleeping update from this weekend- if sleep was a subject in school, he would be repeating a grade. Ok...maybe he'd never make it out of Kindergarten. Not a good weekend as far as sleep. In his defense, we had him out most of the day on Saturday and Sunday which probably threw him off. He was the only male allowed at the women's tea party at church. Yes...it was actually a tea party. No....it had nothing to do with health care and no Sarah Palin was not there.