Let It Go

In the past 16 months I've been bent over my kitchen sink with my hands bathed in warm, soapy water at least 486 times. It has become my routine. At least once per day, I engage in this daily ritual of filling my white rubbermaid bin with hot water and soap and gently cleaning my baby's things. The contents of that tub have proudly displayed the rites of passage and progression from helpless newborn to independent toddler. It started with small 4 oz bottles that contained more milk than he would ever drink in one sitting. Then the 8 oz bottles and teething toys. Then the various rings, stacking toys and duplo legos. Then the sippy cups. Now the little plates, cups with straws and silverware. At least once a day for 16 months.

Parenting has taught me many things and one of the most important lessons has been to let go and let God. When it all comes down to it, I have control over many things in Ben's life but there is a vast number of things that I cannot control. I can put good food in front of him and encourage him to eat it. I can play with him and read to him. I can spend extra time cleaning his dishes by hand. I can teach him to pray. I can pray for him to grow up to be a man of integrity and wisdom. But there are a lot of things I have no control over. No matter how hard I try, I cannot change the outcome....I am not the force that drives to the ultimate desired goal.

Tomorrow Ben has surgery. Yes it's minor surgery and for that I am very grateful. But when it's your child, "routine" is not "routine." Going to the hospital and having to entrust my child into the hands of doctors and nurses while they hopefully make changes to better his quality of life is not part of my routine. So I sit here tonight and pray. Out of my control and out of my hands into the hands of the Great Physician who I trust with my life....and Ben's.