Sacrifice

This past weekend I've spent lots of time thinking about sacrifice- sacrificing sleep to be with a child in pain, at work sacrificing my own ideas hopefully for the greater good, watching as family members painfully choose to sacrifice over and over for each other, thinking about sacrifices made on my behalf long ago and of course meditating on the greatest sacrifice of all as we head into Holy Week.

We definitely lost a lot of sleep in our house this weekend. Friday night I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong....we seemed to have developed a pattern (even if that pattern didn't include lots of sleep, it was still a pattern) but Ben not only didn't fall into his normal pattern, he didn't sleep. Not only did he not sleep, he cried and cried. In the morning we looked in his mouth and his two bottom teeth are just starting to come in. Poor guy...he's definitely miserable. At church on Sunday he was lunging to gnaw on the shoulders of everyone who was holding him. Everything is going in his mouth for him to chew on- his hands, his feet, teething toys, mommy's hands.... Saturday night was bad. Last night, not quite as bad. So we'll see.

I was going through pictures on my computer this weekend and came across this one. It got me thinking about the fact that I was Ben's age right now when I came over from Korea to join my family in Colorado. That's really hard to believe and my adoption takes on a whole new meaning now that I actually have a child of my own. Immediately after Benjamin was born, while I was holding him and looking at this perfect little child who was the perfect combination of Brian and I, I thought of what it must have been like for my birthmother after I was born. I think of her tremendous sacrifice....to think about what was best for me despite how difficult it would be for her. Ben has been a part of our lives now for almost 5 months. Right after I was born I went straight to a foster mother who I lived with until I was adopted. I think of her sacrifice....to treat a child like she was her own and love her, knowing that she wouldn't get to keep her. I think of my parents and their sacrifice. Parenting=self-sacrifice. I'm learning that daily and I'm sure parents of teenagers will tell me that I have NO idea what it will be like someday. I think of how much work, time, money and stress it took for my parents to get me from the 5 month old they received to the 26 year old I am today. Sacrifice.

Of course- as we head into Holy Week, I think of the greatest sacrifice of all, Jesus Christ. In church last week Sunday, during our time of confession, people came forward and signed a picture on the wall. The picture was the bare back of a man. Everyone signed their names in red pen across his back and when we were done it had a very powerful effect. We followed up with a song with the following lyrics

Oh to see my name written in the wounds- for through your suffering I am free. Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live- won through your selfless love.