Parental Paradox

First- a quick update on last night- we had a night very similar to Friday!! Benjo went down quickly, was up for 5 minutes at 10, but slept pretty much straight through until 12. Ate at 12, up for about 5 minutes at 4, ate at 5 and up for good at 6:30. All in all, not a bad night at all! Brian has declared himself "the sleep scientist." Both times Ben was up, he got him back to sleep quickly, without picking up him up. All good improvements again!

Call me totally crazy, but I kind of found myself missing Ben last night. Yes I'm super excited at the prospect of sleeping more for longer stretches than 2-3 hours, but there is something so precious about those nighttime hours that I know I'm going to miss. At night when everyone else is asleep in their beds, I got to bond with Ben in an incredibly special way. There is nothing like having a sleepy, cuddly baby curled up on your chest, perfectly content in mother's arms. Yes you are a walking zombie the next day, but for those few minutes or hours, time stands still and all is right with the world. Paradox.

My good friend, Sara, keeps telling me that each year your kids get better and better. I keep thinking "wow I'm going to miss this age..." but she is reassuring me that parenting continues to be more amazing as each year passes. I love that Ben is snuggly and cooing but I also look forward to the days when he can talk to us- when he can make informed decisions for himself. When his parents can attempt to persuade him to side with them in dinner time debates- Denver or Philadelphia? Democrat or Republican? Crest or Colgate?? I am so excited to see Ben developing so quickly and I wouldn't want it any other way- but there's still a part of me that is so sad to see how fast it's going. Paradox.

I can't wait until you sleep through the night....oh but that means I will have to go that long without seeing you. Paradox.

I can't wait until you can crawl and move around all by yourself......but that means you won't give me these huge smiles when I come and pick you up. Paradox.

I can't wait until I don't have to worry about leaking all down the front of my shirt in public places....but that means I give up that special time we have together. Paradox.

I can't wait until you can talk and actually tell us what is going on inside that cute little head....but that means everyone will know what you're saying not just mom who has learned what your "hungry cry" is vs. your "tired cry." Paradox.

Parental paradox.