Benjamin Button

On Tuesday night, Brian and I picked up a Redbox movie, The Curious Story of Benjamin Button, and watched it while eating dinner. For those of you who haven't seen it, the main character is a man named Benjamin Button who is born "in reverse." He is born as an old man trapped inside a newborn's body, and as time goes on he gradually gets younger and younger. He dies as a baby with dementia and other elderly ailments and literally lived his entire life in reverse.

Fitting in some ways to our own Benjamin who I feel is living a bell curve life. He had a normal life for the first year but is slowly turning the corner and heading back to being in his newborn state. For many 2-3 weeks I had a blissful existence of sleeping through the night where each morning I would wake rested instead of red-eyed and stumbling like a drunkard to the coffee pot. But......it seems as though we're heading backwards and Brian and I probably look awful. We haven't had a good night in a few weeks....and I'm not talking about waking up once or twice or even three times. I'm talking hours at a time awake either in there with him making sure he's ok or listening to him cry.

I don't want to complain. I look at the world news, I look at our local news. I hear stories of friends who are going through painful and awful things and I know I shouldn't complain. But give me a minute here to vent and say that life for us right now is hard. Not just because of the sleeping thing....life is just hard. Add sleep deprivation on top of that and it creates my current state of "funk." I always end up feeling this way after being with family and then leaving or having them leave us. When we got back from Denver, Ben moped around and cried for no reason, throwing temper tantrums for no good reason. When Brian's parents left this past weekend, Ben wandered into our guest room where they were sleeping and kept pointing at the bed going "ooh? ooh?" We miss our family and wish we lived closer.

But....we know we are here and in our place in life for a good reason. I have a great job that for the most part is very enjoyable. Brian is at one of the top schools in his field working on a PhD that will open many doors and opportunities for him. DC/Baltimore is an exciting place to live. Plus I found out that one of my best friends who I was in school with pre-K through College is moving here for a few years. Shouldn't complain. Will stop doing it right now. Wish me luck tonight....could REALLY use some sleep.